Those who know him well are aware of the amount of guilt and grief he carries with him, but he does his utmost to not let that show. He has a soft spot for younglings, and will do anything in his power to ensure they don't taste even a sliver of the amount of suffering he went through during his younger years.
While he does his best to bury the cold, calculating, identity he'd taken up as a goldblood, there are times when it (to his shame) seeps through. He knows how to be manipulative, has the skills to lie convincingly, and knows how to steel himself in order to perform violence others could only dream of. This is a part of himself that he has tried to bury away, and for the most part, he has succeeded. Any of his former Goldblood colleges would call him soft and weak now that he's left them behind.
In truth, he's always been kind, self sacrificing, and perhaps a little self loathing as well. He'll always put others first, and in spite of hating what the Goldbloods turned him into, he also knows that he gained valuable skills from them that he will continue to use in the fight against them.
Meraud was taken captive by an organization called the Goldbloods when he was very young--too young to remember much of a time before that. Like all Goldblood 'recruits' he was placed in the arena and forced to fight for his survival. His only real companion during that time was a titan who went by the moniker "Bone". While Meraud didn't ever fully trust this gruff titan-of-few-words, Bone was the only one who ever showed him kindness (or what could pass for kindness in a place like the coliseum. If not for Bone, Meraud knew he wouldn't have made it out of the arena. Thanks to Bone's interventions, Meraud was able to preserve some small amount of 'humanity' as he never had to kill any of his opponents. Even up to his final day in the coliseum, during his final 'exam', Bone prevented him from having to actually take a life. In doing so, Bone allowed himself to be killed, telling Meraud to remember that "you did this." That day has stuck with Meraud all these years, for more reasons than one.
In spite of being a kind soul, Meraud had no choice but to build himself a ruthless facade in order to survive within the Goldblood organization. He fought his way through the military, gaining rank and trust in spite of hoping to one day escape and build a new life for himself away from the bloodshed and wickedness of this cultish group. Eventually he came into contact with an undercover Intel agent from a pack that called themselves the Vattarmen Vada. Rather than turning that agent in to the Goldblood Inquisitors, he let them go. Through that agent, he was contacted by Odalys, the pack alpha.
Odalys gave him a choice. She and her pack would help him escape if he wished, but she told him that it would be far more beneficial to the world if he stayed as an undercover intel agent himself. With the position and standing he held with the Goldbloods, he would actually have a chance of infiltrating either the Research faction or the Inquisitors faction--something that none of their agents had been able to do previously.
In spite of already hating himself for the evil he'd been forced to do, he accepted. He knew the Vada would pull him out as soon as he asked. Yet, even where others may have turned tail and asked for escape, he pushed further. He made it his mission to overthrow the group that had stolen his life from him.
And so, for decades he worked to infiltrate the Inquisitor faction, moving up from the military and through the Inquisitor's ranks. During his time there he was forced to torture and kill others in order to preserve his place and prove his loyalty. It continues to frighten him how good he was at that task. The screams of his subjects still haunt him to this day. Nevertheless, he couldn't let himself break under the mounting pressure. He worked as an Inquisitor until he managed to become the first Vada member to access the Goldblood's main camp and witness the leaders (Azeem and his Four) in their base. He was called before Azeem himself, congratulated for his work, and was given an audience with the head of Research and the Inquisitors. While he technically met the other two members of the Four, he was unable to see their faces due to the many precautions taken to preserve the anonymity of the Four.
He doesn't talk much about what happened after that. Rumor says he was given a mission that finally broke him, for not long after that meeting he asked to be pulled out. The days that followed that request were grueling, as he felt the weight of everything he'd done as well as the growing likelihood of discovery fall upon his shoulders.
The escape plan went as smoothly as one could hope, the execution made rougher when he informed the scouts leading the mission that he had to take a detour to help someone he'd made a promise to. That detour almost got both him and his companion caught, but luckily they both managed to make out.
When they arrived at the Vada camp for the first time, Meraud was given a hero's welcome. It took him a while to accustom himself to life outside the Goldbloods, but over the months he was able to soften his calloused exterior--finally throwing aside the mask he'd been wearing for all those years. Odalys assigned him to screening new members, asking him to pull from his experiences as an Inquisitor to help identify potential threats attempting to enter their ranks. It was a job he gladly accepted, knowing that he would never again be able to attempt an infiltration or lead an investigation into a Goldblood camp where he could be recognized.
In more recent times, following the death of the Vada's head of Intelligence, Odalys appointed Meraud as the new faction leader. It was a position he did not want but also couldn't really refuse given the circumstances. Though he requested that Odalys allow him to search for a replacement--and she accepted that request.
Meraud first met Venatrix during one of his missions as an Inquisitor. He ran into her on an all but deserted island, where she had been left by her father Oracle. She explained that her father was displeased with her, and that he'd left her there for education. It didn't take long for Meraud to find out that this was also tied to some sort of Goldblood experiment. Venatrix herself had no powers to note, but she did possess immense strength and had been being trained to fight since she could walk. Oracle hadn't just abandoned her, he'd given her up to the Goldbloods. And the Goldbloods were trying to create a weapon out of her.
Meraud promised Ven that he would come back for her when he made his escape. Attempting to help her at the time would likely have resulted in both of their deaths, or at the very least would have revealed Meraud's true loyalties. Venatrix, understood this, and was perfectly content with staying put. They both just had to hope that she wouldn't be moved before Meraud returned. Luckily, Ven wouldn't be captured so easily.
So, when Meraud made his escape with the aid of the Vada scouts and a ship they'd acquired for him, he took a risky detour back to that deserted island to fulfill his promise to Venatrix. Unfortunately by then the Goldbloods had caught onto what was happening, and Azeem sent his right paw Archon to find Meraud. This led to a very narrow escape, with the two escapee's being forced to take a very roundabout way back to their ship, which had been put under watch by more of Azeem's followers.
It was during the months following their escape--their time on the road as they journeyed to the Vada base, that they realized they were soulmates. They bonded over their shared captivity and childhood trauma. Both of them had been forced to do things neither would have chosen to do otherwise had their situations been different, and that shared grief and guilt gave them an understanding of each other that no other felvargs could reach.
Venatrix is very protective of Meraud, just as he is of her, though she is much more confrontational than he is. Meraud is patient and fatherly, while Venatrix is blunt and sometimes can come off as offensive. To most they may seem an odd pair, but those who know them also know that they are each others lifelines.
